What a difference a week makes...
It's been a while since my last post. I had a fabulous time in Cornwall, and really refreshed myself, both mentally and physically. I had two fantastic surfing lessons which I'm definitely going to be repeating, shopped to my heart's content, and finished off with a massage. And despite being hungover/still drunk this morning at work after a leaving do last night, I've had a very productive week, and work's back to being a lot more professional than it was before I left.
One main reason? I'm not constantly thinking about M. I don't like him anymore. Not really even as a friend. He's a jerk!
It turned out that the girlfriend he "first announced" before I left has actually been around for six months. Ouch... Talk about a slap in the face for both myself and this poor girlfriend of his! I couldn't believe it! Now, I'm not usually one to go blurting to the world that people have been flirting with me (I'm not going to go embarrassing myself with such accusations if they're not true), but he's definitely not acted like he's in a relationship headed for the long-term around me over a 6 month time period! I could understand his previous flirtatious behaviour around me if the relationship had been brand new and shiny as I'd originally expected, but six months?! That's as far back as March! The amount of things which he's said or done around me since then to make me think he liked me is staggering. Did I "think he was sexy", those looks he gave me, saying how pleased he was that I'd moved to the city...It makes my blood boil just thinking about how he's behaved.
And what about this mystery girlfriend? M's not acknowledging her as his girlfriend, flirted with me all this time, and has been around work declaring how good single life is (he asked me once why I was in a relationship, as apparently they're boring). No one even knows her name! What a jerk! I wonder what he tells this poor girl? It really sounds like he's leading her on...Hopefully she'll realise how much of a jerk he is before it's too late...
Turns out I'm not the only one who has gone off M recently though. A (another work buddy) and I were discussing M last night at the work do, and he mentioned before I did how surprised he was to find out M was in such a long relationship after keeping it so quiet, and that he found M very strange for keeping such things private and the way he acted and treated people at times. T's not a fan of M either, nor is S (although it's more a rivalry between S and M - I'll go into it another time if I can be bothered to spare another moment thinking about M).
I'm very glad I found out M's true colours before I did anything about it. Learnt yet another of life's lessons there - it was very good that I was just an observer in the end. I tried leaving things to fate when I wasn't sure whether M liked me, and turns out fate protected me from getting together with him and taught me a thing or two in the process. Funny how things turn out! I just hope his girlfriend figures out his immature games sooner rather than later. No one should be in a relationship where the other person doesn't even care to acknowledge them. I know that one myself first-hand from being with O.
And after M called me "stupid" today (how bloody dare he...), it's good riddance to the wannabe player. I'm not going to waste another moment thinking about him.
The week off work also gave me plenty of time to think about someone else who has been on my mind a lot recently. My dear T.
I've been thinking about him a lot. How great a relationship WOULD be with him. And after apparently being in denial all this time and telling myself I wasn't attracted to him, it turns out I actually like him a heck of a lot more than I originally thought. And I hope he likes me back.
My friend P in Cornwall highlighted this fact for me. T and I have been texting each other a lot recently! Noticing the huge smile sweep across my face every time I received a text made P ask who it was who was causing it. P's got the same wisdom about my relationships as my mother does - he's usually right about what he predicts will happen about them. And he gave me a good smirk when I told him who this mystery texter was. In his eyes, it must be a good thing if he's making me smile so much.
I told my mum about him as well. My mum and I are very close and talk about everything. When I told her about how T was perfect, but I didn't find myself attracted to him, she told me that it doesn't necessarily start that way. Love grows. And it certainly has.
He's the sweetest guy. We're spending a lot of time talking and going out together and there's definitely a spark there. His texts range from loveable and cheeky to very flirty, and it's creeping into when we meet up now as well. We've got to the stage where we make tiny gestures to tell each other we like each other. D'aww...
On Wednesday, we went out dancing together (I'm going to buy T a string of lessons for his birthday next Wednesday, which I intend to make special). After an evening of having to hold hands when dancing, I was surprised to find myself mindlessly continuing to hold his hand afterwards. He put his arm around me on the way home, and it was so comfortable and warm just walking with him. When we got back to his, we cuddled up on the sofa together looking through the city A-Z (something to distract both of us from each other - looks like we're both a bit scared of making a move!), and he ran his fingers gently over my legs and arms. It was really lovely. I've never known any guy to be so gentlemanly and polite as T. He kept trying to give me his coat on the way home even though he was shivering himself and had a bit of a cold (I declined and told him to wear it, as I didn't want him getting ill!) He's always calling me gorgeous and sending me kisses 
I was going to suggest more sofa cuddles and a film tonight, but he's gone away for the weekend. I'm a bit gutted! I wanted another evening like Wednesday. I wish he'd stuck around. Damn! I find I'm smiling even just thinking about him now!
I'm not rushing into anything. As I've learnt so many times from past attractions, my crushes can range from a few days to months. I want to make sure that this one doesn't go away before I do anything about it. Perhaps I only am noticing T now because M's off the cards for good, and I need someone new to fancy? I hope that's not the case. I hope my feelings are genuine, as it would be so perfect. Plus, it gives it plenty more time to build up, and I'm really loving the sparks at the moment 
All I can think about is holding T, kissing T and all kinds of relationship type scenarios easily play out in my mind, which I'm taking as a very good sign that I like him and that feeling's not going to go away for a while!
Of course, I've only just become single as well. If I rush into something new, I think I'll regret not making the most of getting to know myself and being on my own for the first time in years. I've left the dating site I was making new friends on, which says to me I've kinda got it into my head that something is very likely (possibly certain) to happen with T if I want it to happen. After all, when you're single and like someone, generally you try and see if anything happens with that person and no one else stands a chance, right? You're faithful to the person you adore, regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not. So if I'm falling for T, I'm not going to be looking elsewhere, so what's the difference between whether we're actually going to start something today or in months to come if my feelings remain?
The last thing I need after O is another broken heart, and I'm feeling a little scared about trying for another relationship again with the possibility (and usually inevitability) of that happening. I don't think T would do that to me (I hope he won't!) but I don't know much about his out-of-work life, and what I do know I've only really learnt recently. I have a lot more to find out about him, what makes him tick and how he acts around other female friends. We appear to have a heck of a lot in common, and I want to find out more. I don't know if there's any other girls on the cards back at home, or, whether at the end of the day, if he actually likes me after the mess that I ended up having with M. I misjudged M so badly, what if I'm misjudging T right now? What if this is just normal for him and other girls? Again, I hope I'm not. I got a bit nervous earlier when we met for a drink, as he seemed to be more in friend mode again, but the text he sent me as I left (a simple " x") and all the texts which have followed this evening have taken those nerves away again.
I'm going down to see O and his housemate P (not the same one as I've mentioned above) tomorrow. I miss P a lot, as I've mentioned in previous posts before, so it'll be good to see him, but I also want to know how I feel about O these days. Am I ready to be thinking about another relationship again?
Who knows...Again, it's all about time. So I'm going to continue thinking about T and I, and the long coat I want to buy myself and him to wrap me up in when the winter months draw in before kissing me (too many chick flicks, anyone??) It's an interesting and exciting thought!
I'll keep you posted.
FPB
