Hey all

It's been a while since I've written, as I've just been in Florida for two weeks, and VERY busy getting to know T better in the meantime! He is my boyfriend now, after all...

Hear that? He's my man! I finally cashed in my single status! It transferred from "seeing each other" to "relationship" about a month ago now, and I can't believe how happy I am about it. I'm positively glowing - I've got a near permanent smile on my face, work seems to be going a lot better and life in general is glorious.

You should have seen us at the Halloween party I mentioned in my last post. It was a work do, so T and I took the bus to the venue with the previously gorgeous M, and we exchanged glances all the way. M was very suspicious! And any chance we got, T and I were sneaking off for some gorgeous kisses, much to the amusement of the students who were also at the party and clocked what we were up to! Heehee. It was a free bar that night, so after drinking our fill, we partied until the early hours, teenage-snogged when we found a dark corner and had the chance, and spent the whole of the day after recovering and curled up together in bed. My kind of Saturday!

It was during those luxurious hours of lie-in that I decided to trade in my single status, and (as most things are officialised this way these days) changed my single status on Facebook! T seemed pleased with the outcome, although to my vague annoyance, he's still listed jokingly as "in an open relationship"!

We spent most of the week which followed dreaming about each other, then, right before I disappeared off to Florida on the 6th November, we saw each other again, and spent a fantastic night together. And yes..we did...you know... It was amazing! We didn't want to leave each other the morning after, but I had to go...

Which brings me on to today's subject - Independence. I've been really enjoying the freedom of the last three months of being single, doing my own thing, having fun and standing on my own two feet. I've found my courage again, and I'm more confident than ever. I've always been pretty independent - my family is quite small, just me and my mum since my dad passed away when I was fifteen, and it's stemmed from there really. I have the guts to do things most girls wouldn't dream of doing. And after all, I survive on a day-to-day basis in the male dominated environment which is my beloved job (By the way, things are back on track again now, and it's as awesome as ever!). My single time was the first time I'd been single in ages, and I really enjoyed it. But when crunch time came; deciding between starting a relationship with a man who was perfect for me in every way coming along a little earlier than I hoped, before he slipped through my fingers, and carrying on my single carefree ways, I chose the former option. The not-being-single-anymore doesn't bother me in the least (yay, regular sex is back again(!)), but can I still maintain my recently rediscovered independence now I'm coupled up?

The best part about going to Florida was that I went on my own. It was a work trip for a course , turned into a holiday by tagging on a few days of leftover annual leave on the end, and as no one else was in need of the course, I ended up signing up to do it solo. At first, I was intimidated - I was with O at the time and considered asking him along to go. But, for whatever reason that spending time with me in a place far far away was not attractive to him, he didn't want to go. So I was left with a choice - go for the course this year, when I really need it, wait until it comes round to London next year and go then, or wait until Florida again next year and see if anyone else is ready for it. I chose to go alone.

It wasn't until my work buddy A suggested that I stop off in Miami for my holiday to experience the nightlife that it really hit me that no one else was going with me, and that if I was going to have fun, I'd have to use my independence to get me through and go alone. All other aspects of my solo travels had been sorted out - transport through areas at night would be by taxi so I'd feel safe, and I'd meet people on the course to eat with during it's duration, so that wasn't a problem either. But holidaying alone? Would I be thought of of some sad excuse for a woman, with no friends, or would I be admired for my braveness? What about the nightlife? Would I be safe alone?

I decided to take the chance, and booked a ticket to see a DJ at a famous club in Miami. I also booked a surfing lesson, and decided that I would go to a club called B.E.D (featured in Sex and the City), also alone! Why should I prevent myself from doing such things because I was alone, scared of judgement or scared of walking the streets at night?

And wow, what a time I had doing those things! After tearing myself from T's warm arms early on the 7th November, I flew to Florida for thirteen days for my course. On my own, I stayed in a dodgy motel and met a cop, got asked out by a kind taxi-shuttle driver who bought me lunch and drinks on my way to the course (I politely declined), got drunk and took many iPhone pictures with a buddy I met on the course (I now want an iPhone, just for the photoswap application!), tootled along to Miami on the noisiest plane in the world, partied until 5am at my nightclub making three new random friends in the process, had a massage, went to B.E.D, swam in the sea, sunbathed in my gold bikini on the amazing beach, and stayed awake all night watching the stars on my flight back. Sure, going to the club alone was a little intimidating, but it was fine in the end - it turns out that podium dancing is the way forward when you party by yourself - no one can touch you and you get great views on the dance floor! I make it a rule also that I don't get drunk when I go clubbing alone so that I keep my head firmly screwed on (I've done it before in the UK, especially when I was a teenager, and during the early break up days of O and I when I wanted to still see all our mutual friends). And luckily for me, the hotel I'd booked coincidentally was just one block away from the club; I couldn't have stayed at a place any closer!

If I hadn't had my independence, I would have stayed in bed all day probably, sulking that I had no one to party with, no one to swim with and no one to eat with. It would have been a huge disappointment. In the end, the only disappointments were that my surfing lesson was cancelled as it was too flat to surf in Miami, and my hotel had construction work going on next door which woke me up quite early during my stay!

I say I went alone, but I took T with me in my mind. Loved up, and sometimes just feeling a bit horny, I sent him snapshots of myself from my holiday, some to blow his mind away (my mirrored bathroom in the course hotel worked a treat...), some to just simply share with him how crazy America was and how beautiful the ocean was. In fact, I got so used to taking pictures of myself, I may have got a little bit vain! On my last day in Miami, I got a random person to take a picture of myself on the beach. "What, you love yourself?" he asked in his American drool. I giggled, and said it was one for the boyfriend, which wasn't entirely untrue, but secretly, I was very proud. I was capturing the essence of my independence in the holiday snaps, and it made me really happy to be...well, me! Plus, who else was I going to get to take my holiday snaps (I guess one downside of travelling alone)! So yes, Mr American, a picture would be lovely, thank you very much. And don't you dare judge me!

T was awestruck by both my pictures, and in his own words, my bravery for going to the club alone. The fact he admires my independence is why I'm slowly falling in love with him. Since I got back just over a week ago, we've spent yet more amazing nights together - he couldn't keep his hands off me after remembering some of the naughtier pictures I sent him! Not that I could keep mine off him! I missed him a lot and we've spent a lot of time together.

This however worries me slightly. I'm painfully aware that I haven't been spending as much time with my housemates, J and D, as I was before T and I got together. T's been around a lot recently - his boiler broke, so after him braving many a cold shower, I asked D and J whether they would mind him coming to use our hot water, which of course they didn't. But part of me is afraid behind my back they're saying "Oh god, she's with her boyfriend...Again!" I'm gonna try and make the effort to keep things happy with D especially, but with so much exciting stuff happening with T, it's hard to keep the balance. I don't want to be defined by my boyfriend, I want my own friendship base in my new city to develop as well. If things all fell down with T, then I'd have no one to fall back on. It's ironic that I crave independence but am worried about this! My independence is definitely important to me - in the early days of T and I, I was afraid that his lovely, gentlemanly polite way with me, not letting me pay for anything myself, letting me always decide what we'd do, would end up smothering me.

I switched on the telly the other day when I was with T to find a program declaring to women of the world that they couldn't have it all. It made me so angry! "Why not?" I wanted to shout at the close minded woman on the telly. "Why can't we have it all? What's stopping us?" Why can't career women have happy families, and happy family women have a career? And why should independence be separated from co-dependence? Why do single successful women having fun get frowned upon, and on the flipside, why aren't coupled up women having fun viewed with the same disgust? They say you can't fall in love with someone else until you love yourself, but why can't you still be in love and love yourself at the same time?! I think T was quite taken aback with my fury at this program, as I threw the remote down from the sofa after switching channels!

At the end of the day, my decision to be with T was my own - I chose T at a time where I was loving being single, possibly cutting it shorter than I'd originally intended, over further single life waiting for the right guy to come along when T was long gone. I may be at risk of losing my independence, and I'm going to strive to "have it all", but it's letting yourself be vulnerable that makes you fall in love. And T's definitely worth it.

We've been telling everyone at work about our relationship recently. And the results are astounding - everyone's thrilled for us! Not surprised, but thrilled! Even O knows, which was a brave step, and he's really genuinely happy for us as well. I've come a long way since the dreary days I spent with him. It gives T and I a really good buzz to know everyone's as happy for us as we are with each other. Amusingly, T's getting a lot of "Get in there my son!", "Back in the game!" and "Lover boy" comments! Whatever would his missus say...

This week is full of Christmas do's, and breaking the news to even more people at work before we go out with them all, as a couple, on Friday. The week after that, I may be meeting the parents...! I'll keep you posted, but I expect (and hope) the further response to our news will be just as good as what we've received so far!

In the words of Jerry Springer, "Take care of yourselves, AND each other"...

FPB